I'm still feeling crappy. I'm going to see the doctor on Monday. I have never been so nauseous or fatigued in my life. I don't know what is wrong with me. Last night was awful. I called the emergency line at my doctor's office and the nurse practitioner called me back. We discussed my symptoms and she said, "Could you be pregnant?" I was about to answer "no" when I realized I was late, and that Josh and I had spent an afternoon together in Vegas when everyone was at the Hoover Dam.

I got off the phone and raced upstairs to Natalie's room in a panic. I pulled her out of bed and made her to take me to an all night pharmacy. We didn't know which pregnancy test to buy so we bought one of each. When we got home Molly had woken up and was waiting for us. We couldn't exactly lie so we told her what was going on. She looked horrified. I love Molly, but she can be a bit judgmental, and she doesn't approve of hooking up...especially me hooking up with Josh.

I took every test, and while we were waiting Molly and Natalie got into a debate about abortion (another reason I wasn't thrilled that Molly was there). Natalie was trying to be supportive and discuss options, and Molly jumped down her throat. It was not what I wanted to hear. I finally said, "Enough. I would never abort Josh's baby so let's just stop this discussion." Well, it turns out - according to all of the tests - that I'm not pregnant.

I am relieved, but there is a tiny part of me that liked the idea of having Josh's baby, and it's really freaking me out. I know that if I were pregnant he'd come home, and I want him to come home so badly. How twisted is that? This whole thing is making me realize more and more that I need to get Josh Anderson out of my system. This isn't good for me. He's moved away and I really, really, really have to move on.