I'm back at the dorm after a long weekend. Yesterday was the big trip up to New York. I was a nervous wreck yesterday morning, but the day turned out much better than expected.

Josh was waiting for us when we arrived at Penn Station. Molly introduced him to Elise and he said hi to everyone. I was kind of hanging back so he motioned to me to come towards him and then gave me a big hug. He kept his hand on my back after the hug and Molly smiled at me like I was crazy for being so nervous.

We all went uptown to a Chinese Restaurant where Jennifer and her boyfriend, Sean had saved us a table. Lunch was fun and even though I wasn't sure about Sean (because he was dating someone else when Jen first started to like him), he turned out to be a really nice and very funny guy.

After lunch we made our way down town. We wanted Elise to see as much as she could. We walked down 5th Avenue, went to Rockefeller Plaza, and then took her to Times Square. We even went down to Battery Park so that Elise would get a good view of the Statue of Liberty.

It turned out that Josh was planning to go back to Pennsylvania that night, and I had been wanting to head home to see Aunt Lu so we left the group before dinner to head home.

We took the train back to Princeton Junction. We were talking on the train. He was telling me that he still owes me a trip to the top of the Empire State Building. The first time we were up there it was overcast and he promised to take me up again on a clear day. It was also the day that I asked him to my prom...kind of the beginning of our romance. I was sad for a moment as I sat there thinking about it, but then Josh said that he thought of me every time he looked up at that building. I was surprised. Then he said I'd be surprised how often a song or a memory made him think of me. I couldn't help but melt right there in my seat. I told him there were so many times that I had just wanted to call him to tell him about something stupid because I knew he would appreciate it. I could feel the bond between us forming once again.

After we got off the train we drove home. I was starved by the time I pulled up in front of Aunt Lu's house in Pennsylvania, but I had wanted to wait to eat with her. Unfortunately the house was dark and no one was home. Josh invited me next door but I didn't want to go. I was sure his parents would want to spend time with him and I didn't want to confuse them about our relationship. Plus, the fact of the matter is, that I was confused out our relationship.

I was going through the fridge for something to eat when the doorbell rang. It was Josh. His parents were out too. It turns out that the church was having a Country Western Night as a fundraiser. He held out his hand to me and said, "Come on." I just looked at him and he said, "There's gonna be food." I was still just looking at him and so he flashed me that sexy smile of his and said, "There's gonna be dancing..." I was starved, and it had been so long since I had danced. I took his hand and followed him out the door.

It was weird to go from running around Manhattan all day to Country Western Night, but it turned out pretty well. When we got there Aunt Lu was so excited to see me, and the country cooking was so good! They had someone there teaching line dances. Aunt Lu, Mrs. Anderson and I learned the dance to "Boot Scootin' Boogie."

The best part of the night was when they slowed the music down and Josh pulled me into his arms for a slow dance. The first song we danced to was a little weird. I didn't know how close to stand to him, where to look, how to feel...but when the second song started, he pulled me close. The song was Lonestar's "Lets Be Us Again." I didn't know the song but now I can't get it out of my head. In the middle of the song, Josh told me that he wished he had said the things that the singer was saying. He said he wished he'd held on tighter and not let us fall apart because he wanted to be us again. I looked up at him and he kissed me.

The thing is that instead of floating on air, I'm petrified. I cannot lose him again. What if this isn't real? What if it doesn't work out? What if we can't be us again? I'm afraid of what will happen to my heart if it doesn't work out.

We're both going back to Pennsylvania next weekend for Easter so we're going out on a date Saturday night. I really hope that it goes well.