Molly hit a deer. While driving my car. :( It's totaled. I'm taking it surprisingly well. Much better than I'm taking my break up. Telling my dad is going to be a major headache though. I'm not sure he'll replace the car, but I really don't care right now. I just can't get myself out of this funk. I've been walking through the days like a mummy...just going through the motions waiting for something to bring me back to life.

Everything reminds me of him. I was sitting in the dining hall studying this morning and two guys were discussing a football game, which made me think of baseball, which made me think of the Philly's games, which made me think of Josh. I was thinking of the game we went to for Lauren's birthday. He was trying to talk me into climbing over the bleachers and I was scared I'd fall. He promised to catch me if I fell. I remember wondering if it was some sort of play on words...and why isn't he here to catch me now? He's the person I run to when my world is falling apart, but I can't run to him this time.

Molly and I were studying together last night when Molly's cell rang. She looked at it and put it away. She had a weird look on her face so I asked her who it was. She said "nobody," and I knew it was Josh calling her. I asked her again this morning but she wouldn't tell me so I know for sure that it was him. Who else would be calling that would make her get all weird like that?

I came to a decision today as I was walking back to the dorm after my exam. I'm going to Florida tomorrow. Another detail I need to discuss with my dad. I called him an hour ago - I wish he'd call me back already. I want to buy my ticket. I need to get out of Dodge. I just feel so restless here. I can't stay here past Saturday and I'm not comfortable going back to Pennsylvania right now. I really don't want to see any one from Josh's family. It would be too hard. In Florida I can hide away and try to get myself together without everyone watching. The people there don't know enough about Josh to be asking lots of questions. I don't want to answer questions. I don't even want to think about him. I just want to plop myself down on a lounge chair and sit in the sun and forget all about him and everything that's happened the past two years. I want him out of my system.