My head has been in the books non-stop and I'm desperate for a reprieve. Molly and I sat in Starbucks last night studying and gulping down coffee because we knew it was going to be a long night. Once Starbucks closed we were forced back to campus where we studied some more and drank less than stellar coffee until our brains could take no more.

I'm kind of enjoying this mad rush to finish papers and study for exams. It's distracting. As great as Thanksgiving was, and the night at the Rainbow Room, I'm having a hard time pretending that things with Josh are back to perfect. There's still something...I don't know..."off." I want so badly for things to be the way they used to be. I'm trying so hard to find my way back to him, but something is missing. And I don't know what it is, because I still love him like crazy. He's my first love, and my best friend. I'm lost without him, but I'm lost with him too. Why can't we get this right?

So much for distraction. I guess this is what happens when I stop studying. I start letting my heart think instead of my brain, and that always inevitably leads me back to Josh.