I can't believe I'm getting on stage in front of the school tonight and doing and act that I've only rehearsed for the past two days! I'm a little stressed. Since Deb asked me to fill in on Wednesday I've been rehearsing at every spare seconding I've had. I even asked Mrs. Anderson if I could have off from work yesterday so that I could work on it.

I'm not really nervous about the dancing. I'm a dancer, that comes easy. It's the singing part. If they had asked me to sing backup it would have been one thing, but it was the fact that they needed me to sing the lead part. I love the song (En Vogue's "Don't Let Go" - I'm adding it to my iPod) but I'm not sure it's the best song for my voice. It's a little high in some parts, but the girls said they would cover me with backup vocals.

The song is kind of ironic because it's been what I've been feeling the past few months. Check out these lyrics and tell me it's not what I've been saying:

What's it gonna be? Cuz I can't pretend. Don't you wanna be more than friends?

I often fantasize the stars above are watching you. They know my heart and speak to yours like only lovers do.

Running in and out my life has got me so confused. You gotta make a sacrifice. Somebody's gotta choose.

Doesn't that sound like me the past few months? It's exactly how I've been feeling about Josh...and now he's leaving. I must say this performance has taken my mind off of crying over him, but the song makes me think of him non-stop.

I have wished on every star in the sky that we could be more than just friends. I guess it was in vein. I seriously don't know how I will make it through tomorrow night knowing that he'll be gone, and not knowing when I will see him again. :(

Okay, I don't want to get myself upset. My goal it to not cry over him today. I have to get on stage tonight and knock some socks off. Besides, he'll be in the audience and I only want him to see me at my best.