I'm wondering if I'm a brat. I know that's a crazy thing to say and most people wouldn't consider whether they're a brat, but this weekend has made me wonder: Am I spoiled brat or are my feelings justified because I really see things for what they are?

My father came to town on Friday. He's an angry drunk and that's why we don't get along. He's emotionally abusive to me and my mother. My mother has enough sense to know it's no good for me - hence, my move to PA to live with Aunt Lu - but she doesn't have enough sense to leave him herself.

After this weekend I think I understand it a little better. My mother and her brother (Uncle Bill) lost their parents to a car accident when they were very young children. Their mother's sister - Aunt Lu - took them in and raised them like they were her own. They struggled though. My grandparents left no money behind and Aunt Lu wasn't financially prepared to take on two children.

Anyway, I think this makes my mom needy for financial security. That's where my father comes in. He may be a big jerk, but he makes big bucks and I think that's why my mom stays with him. She doesn't want to struggle. She doesn't want to give up the bay front property in Sarasota - or the dance studio that my father bought for her.

So how am I a brat? Well, dear old dad came to town and to celebrate my driver's license he bought me a Chrysler Sebring convertible. It's a beautiful car...but I don't want it. None of my friends have a car like that. Besides, I don't want to be bought the way my mother is.

Molly thinks I'm "nucking futs" and has offered to take it off my hands for me. I almost gave it to her but Aunt Lu stopped me. Aunt Lu says I have to keep it.

I'm just so frustrated. I want a car so bad. No more walking or bumming rides and I'll be free. But will I really be free if my father buys it for me? I feel like he's just buying me!

So right now the car is sitting in the driveway - covered by snow. My father's on his way to New York and my mom's on her way to Florida. And I'm left with more emotional baggage to sort through.