Josh just left about and hour ago and I'm going crazy. I just hate that he didn't want me to go to the airport. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next four months. I just don't know... It's also killing me that his flight doesn't leave until 6:30 but he has so much to do that we can't spend more time together. Letting him go was so hard.

I'm just glad that last night was good. We went to dinner with our friends. Jennifer and Keith even came down from New York and even though I was sad I managed to have a good time. After dinner Josh and I went out by ourselves. We were walking through town and I was on the brink of tears. He said, "I wish you could be more happy." I told him that I wished he could be more sad.

He told me that he is sad but there isn't anything that we can do about it so we should be be happy for all that we do have. He said that he had the most amazing summer and now he has the "most beautiful, funny, smart, and kind" (I liked that part) girl in his life. He said, "Being on the moon wouldn't change the way I feel about you, so why should being in England?" He told me that his heart is where I am. I told him that my heart is where he is. Then he said, "So we'll promise to take good care of each other's hearts." I agreed and promised that I'd let myself enjoy our last evening together.

This morning, on the other hand, was so hard. I couldn't stop crying. I walked him out to his car and it was agonizing. I didn't want him to leave. I was holding on to him and not wanting to let go. Finally he asked me to go inside the house because he couldn't pull away if I was still standing outside. I went inside and saw my reflection in the mirror and almost died. I looked horrendous. My eyes were red and puffy. I can't believe that is the last look he got at me. Then I cried for about and hour and then got up to write this blog. I would really like to crawl back into bed and cry some more but Molly, Natalie and Amanda had planned a shopping excursion, no doubt to take my mind off of Josh. They just don't understand that nothing will take my mind off of him. It's going to be a long four months.