Yesterday I went to class and then drove back to Pennsylvania to see Josh. I went to dinner with his family and then he came with me to the dance studio. I'm helping JD teach Latin dances on Thursday nights this fall. Afterwards he went home and I was really disappointed because I wanted him to go back to New Jersey with me. I know he has a lot to do to get packed and ready but he's leaving tomorrow and I wanted to see him as much as possible.

By the time I got home I was a wreck. I walked into the house and just started crying, which was so embarrassing because Jason was over hanging out with Nat and Molly. I just couldn't hold it together any more. I've spent the week on the line between okay and falling apart and I finally crossed it.

Josh is going away for FOUR MONTHS. Four, long, lonely months. I can't stand it. I start crying every time I think about it. I wish I could get a grip.

Anyway, Josh noticed that I was upset when I left Pennsylvania and he ended up showing up at the house about 20 minutes after I got there. We talked for a long time about him leaving and I actually told him that I didn't want him to go. I didn't want to do that to him because I know that this is hard for him too but the words just came out. He asked if I remembered that he went up to New York a few weeks ago and then told me that he tried to stay. He was told that it would set him back a semester because he couldn't get the classes he needed and he'd lose the tuition money his parents paid to the school in England. He didn't want to tell me because he thought I'd feel worse, but I actually felt a little better. At least he wants to be here with me.

Still, this is all so hard. We're going out with friends tonight and then the two of us are going to spend some time together. It's going to be so hard. I don't want to share him with everyone else, and I don't want to let him go. I finally got him back. Haven't I spent enough time missing him and crying for him? Shouldn't I finally get my happy ending? I just can't believe I'm going to have to wait until December! AAAUUUUURRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Oh, and the other thing is that he won't let me go to the airport with him. He said it will be too hard and that he wants to say our good-byes in private. We argued about that for a while last night because I want to be with him up until the minute he goes through security. I want to spend every second with him that I can and I can't believe he doesn't want the same thing. But he wants to go by himself.

Okay, I can't write anymore because I'm just working myself up. I have to take a shower and get ready to go out tonight. I need good vibes. Happy vibes....