Friday night I went out with my friends to see Josh and Alex sing. I got there a little late and sat down at the table with Molly, Lindsay, Lauren, Jennifer, Laura and Tanya (Josh's co-star). It was very weird sitting there with Laura since she obviously has a thing for Josh. And Tanya seemed really in to him too. It made me really uncomfortable.

The worst part of it was that one of the songs they sang was "I Only Have Eyes For You." Josh sang that song to me two Valentine's Days ago so watching him sing it was really hard. I actually got up from the table to use the restroom. I just couldn't sit there. Molly came in and started talking about Patrick to get my mind off of Josh. I finally decided that I had to suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself over something that ended a long time ago.

I went back out to the table and I saw J.D. - one of the ballroom instructors from the dance studio - and he asked if I wanted to dance. We got up and did the East Coast Swing to one of the songs. Soon everyone was up and dancing, and I forgot about Josh's song. By the end of the night I was actually having fun...until the last song. I had never heard it before, but now I can't get it out of my head. Josh sang it, and it just pulled on my heart. It's called "This I Swear" by The Skyliners and now it's haunting me. He sounded so good and I just sat there wishing he was singing it to me. I can't believe I still feel this way about him! I'm supposed to be past this!

As I was leaving, Josh followed me out to the parking lot and said he hoped it wasn't weird for me when he sang "I Only Have Eyes For You." I told him it was fine and I wanted to get into my car and get out of there, but I noticed he winced in pain. I asked him if he was okay and he told me it was the wisdom teeth and I found myself wanting to comfort him again!

This is not good. I should have known that the minute he came back into my life, I'd want him again. I was so happy on the road trip. I was crazy about Patrick and now I'm back to thinking about Josh! I hate this.

But that's not the worst. On Saturday, Josh called out sick because he was in so much pain with his teeth. I was working in the office when Tanya stopped by. She wanted to see Josh but once she found out he wasn't there, she pulled a chair up to my desk and asked if we could talk one-on-one. She said that she wasn't going to talk to me about this, but since Molly told her I was dating Patrick, she figured it would be okay. So the big question was about Josh. She wanted to know what I did to get to his heart!

She wanted to know what qualities he looks for in a girl, and she kept asking me "what did you do to get him to think of you that way?" I didn't want to be impolite, but seriously!?!?!?!?!? I didn't know what to tell her. She made me feel like what Josh and I had could just be recreated - that I could be replaced in his heart. I'm so annoyed. I just can't stop thinking about it. I would be really disappointed if I thought Josh felt that way.