I spent the day with Jennifer, Lauren and Molly at the swim club. We were planning the end of the summer party that we're having tomorrow night. We sat on the deck all morning coming up with ideas and then the afternoon out shopping for decorations. It was a fun day.

Molly is very sneaky. I am having dinner with my mom tonight but I want to see Josh who is performing with the doo-wop group. I knew my mom wouldn't go for that unless I was singing, but I wasn't invited to sing with the guys tonight. So Molly convinced us to go to Angelo's for lunch because she thought he would insist that I sing tonight if he saw me. Well, it worked. He came out to talk to us and insisted that I sing. I tried to pretend that I couldn't do it, but Molly kept saying, "Nic, you just have too!" Angelo told me he was going to talk to Josh to convince me to sing.

So we got back to the swim club after buying our decorations and Josh came up to me and told me that Angelo has been bugging him all afternoon to get me to sing! I pretended to hesitate for a moment and then I "gave in." Luckily my mom was okay with all of this - since she gets to hear me sing.

I just can't help it. Josh is only here until September 8th. I can't miss out on spending any time with him. I want to be near him all the time, and I'm going crazy. Being in the same place isn't even enough anymore. Standing next to him is not enough. I want to be in his arms. I thought that after the competition ended we'd be together, and we're getting there, but now I feel like I have less contact with him. The dancing meant we were always together. We were in constant physical contact. Now I feel like an idiot every time I see him because I'm so nervous about what's to come. I can't relax. I can't breathe because I want this to happen so badly. I want us to be us again.