I ran into him this morning…Josh, that is. I’ve been avoiding him all week. It was probably a good idea considering how shaken up I felt after seeing him today. I was walking out of the office at the swim club as he was walking in. We just kind of looked at each other for a minute and then he mumbled “hello” and kept walking. The look on his face was just…I don’t even know how to describe it…frustrated, disappointed…I’m not sure either of those are the right words.

I’m so afraid that I made the wrong choice. I don’t know what to think. I know that in my heart I want to be with him more than anything, but I also know that I won’t be happy if I love him and he doesn’t love me back.

I keep going over the same thing again and again. I just can’t stand the idea of not having him in my life. What if I always regret this? What if I’ve lost the chance of a lifetime?

My mom says that I’m young and that there are plenty of other guys and I have a long life ahead of me to find true love. It annoys me that she thinks she knows so well…especially since she’s a part time parent.

Aunt Lu gets it. She understands what he means to me. She understands that he gets me in a way no one else does. She told me I should talk to him.

I’m just paralyzed by indecision. The problem is that he leaves for vacation tomorrow. I need to decide and decide fast. Time is running out. He’s going to leave for vacation and then for school. We could drift so far apart that there’s no chance. This makes it sound like I want a chance, doesn’t it?

I’m so confused.