I'm miserable. I'm so afraid that I did the wrong thing with Josh, but on the other hand I couldn't go on pretending that he feels the same way I do.

This whole summer...everytime he'd kiss me good-night or hold me close I had to bite back the words "I love you," because I was so afraid of scaring him off. I'd walk around singing the Britney Spears song, "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know." But he hasn't let me know, so what am I to conclude? That he doesn't love me.

We'd be on the phone together late at night and I would long to tell him. He'd hang up and I would stay on the line and whisper, "I love you so much. Why can't I tell you?" Now I know why I couldn't tell him...I couldn't tell him because deep down I knew that he doesn't love me back.

Honestly, I can't wait until he leaves for vacation and then for school. Then I won't have to worry about seeing him.