The weekend was awesome. We decided to make a weekend out of our dinner cruise to New York. We got two hotel rooms in the city: one for me, Molly and Jen, the other for the guys.

Molly, Jennifer, Josh and I took the train up to the city on Saturday and got there around 12:00. It was so much different from our choir trip. I feel like I really got a feeling for the city. We got hot dogs at Gray Papaya for lunch and ate them in Central Park. We spent the rest of the afternoon walking around Times Square. We spent a lot of time in the Virgin Record Store.

Terry and Duncan (Molly’s date) had to work in the morning but drove up and met us at the hotel before the dinner cruise. The cruise was awesome…even better than last year. It wasn’t raining so we were able to go out on the deck and enjoy it a bit more. It was really hot, but I would have picked hot over raining.

Duncan was trying to talk Molly into breaking up with Alex. He told her to stop pining over him after all that’s he’s put her through this summer. Apparently he’s developed a three step program to help people get over a break up and is willing to help Molly out. I’m not sure what I think of that, but I was happy to see Molly having a good time.

Josh and I danced and stood out on the deck looking at the city skyline. It was incredibly romantic and I’m so glad he bid on me this year.

After the cruise Josh and I separated from the group. We walked along 5th Avenue and around Rockefeller Plaza. It was nice but being in New York reminded me that he would be headed back there soon. It felt like his upcoming return to school was hanging over us, and I couldn’t shake the sadness that came with it. I guess I was unusually quiet, or maybe he just read my thoughts because he asked if I was upset about him moving back to the city.

It’s true, I am worried about him moving back… but mostly because I still feel that I’m in a lot deeper than he is. The words “I love you” are on the tip of my tongue every time we’re together and it takes all of my strength to hold them back. I know it’s stupid but I need to hear him say it and I need to hear him say it first. When he goes back to school, I’m afraid that it will be a set back. Of course I didn’t tell him all of this. I tried to play it cool but he reads me so well that it’s frustrating. So I told him that I thought it would be hard for us to be together with him living in another state.

Then he said, “So…what? You want out?” I started to get worried that he was looking for an out so I said “No. Do you?” I swear my heart was pounding like crazy but he said he doesn’t want out. Then he said, “This is hard for me.” And I had no idea what he was talking about. Aside from ice skating, I’ve never seen Josh have a hard time with anything so I asked him what was hard. He was like, “saying how I feel about things.”

I kind of chuckled, which probably didn’t make him feel much better, but knowing he was scared too was such a relief. I was like, “You can say anything! It’s just me.” And then he laughed and was like “It’s just you? Nicole, do you have any idea how much I want this to work? I have to go back to school but that doesn’t mean that you and I can’t continue.” It was such a relief to talk things out.

On Sunday we got up early – which was torture considering that Josh and I didn’t return to the hotel until 2:30. We went back to Rockefeller Plaza because Molly wanted to see where they do the “Today” show. We grabbed something to eat at Dean and Deluca and shopped in the NBC store before piling into Duncan’s car for a ride back to Princeton (where Josh’s car was parked).

Molly rode back home with Josh and I. She got a call on the way from Alex. He told her he would be back on Friday. Interesting. I can’t wait to see what he has to say for himself!