Yesterday was our Orientation for the camp counselors. Josh was in the office when I got to work and he kind of blew me off. I tried to shake it off but I was annoyed. Despite everything, he's usually friendly and nice to me so I thought it was weird. At lunch I mentioned it to Molly and she told me it was probably because she told him about Patrick.

I was conflicted. Part of me was glad Josh was kind of upset about Patrick, but the other part of me was mad at Molly for telling him. She told me that Josh was going to a party with Adam that night and Adam wanted Josh to know so that things wouldn't be weird. I guess he didn't want Josh to find out at the party.

Last night Amanda slept over. We sat outside listening to music and talking about guys. I told her that I can't seem to stop thinking about Josh. I told her that I want to be with Patrick, but I feel so guilty about the fact that Josh is the one in my dreams and in my thoughts. She said, "You should be with the one you love."

I've been thinking about it all day. It seems so wise, so easy...but what if he doesn't want to be with me? I mean, we already decided that we couldn't make it work. Amanda says I should talk to him. I just don't know...

This morning we went strawberry picking. I didn't realize how good fresh picked strawberries are. They taste so much better when you pick them yourself. When we were finished, Amanda headed back to New Jersey and I came home and just loafed around. It's nice to have a day off. I've needed it. I have tomorrow off too. If I can get up the nerve, I might go to Angelo's tonight to see Josh and Alex sing. Maybe Josh and I can talk...I'm just not sure I'll have the guts to talk to him.