I had to drag myself out of bed this morning, but the day got better as it went along...

Last night I had dinner with the Andersons. They did their best to keep me upbeat. I know Aunt Lu is going to be okay but yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster.

After dinner, I went over the beginning of the show for Josh so he'd know when he was playing piano. He played both "Maple Leaf Rag" and "The Entertainer" for me last night so I could hear them. As expected, he played them flawlessly.

Lauren and I made him watch "American Idol" with us. He was a good sport about it, particularly since the show was just a recap of the night before. I missed it on Tuesday night because of dress rehearsal so I was glad to get a chance to vote, but the show wasn't as entertaining as it usually is. I can't help but think someone is going to get screwed. I don't think there are as many people who watch on Wednesday nights.

Anyway, after the show was over we watched "Newlyweds." (Poor Josh. He looked like he wanted to shoot himself.) Then Lauren went to bed and Josh walked me home.

He came inside and we sat up talking until midnight. We talked about New York, my show and Aunt Lu. Before he left he gave me a long hug and kissed my forehead.

I went upstairs and dozed until about 2:00. It was hard to sleep. I kept thinking about Aunt Lu and how worried I'd been, and how Josh had skipped his classes and rushed home because he thought I needed him. It was at 2:00 that I heard my mom's cab pull up outside. I went downstairs to greet her. We stayed up for another 45 minutes talking about Aunt Lu.

This morning we stopped at the hospital around 8:00 to see Aunt Lu who seems to be doing okay, despite the pain in her hip. She's going to need help for a few weeks. I was relieved when my mom said she'd stay up here to help out!

We left by 9:00 and my mom dropped me off at school and then took my car back to the hospital. Getting through school was rough since I was so tired but the school has a rule: you can't participate in after school activities if you are absent and I have to be at the show tonight.

My English teacher sent me to the nurse's office before lunch to take a nap! I thought that was really nice of her. When lunch came the nurse sent me to get some food.

I sat down with Tom, Alex and Molly. They were all relieved to hear that Aunt Lu will be okay. Then Josh showed up! He got the choir teacher to sign off on a guest pass for him. He brought me Red Bull because he knew how tired I probably was! I thought it was the sweetest thing. He sat down with us while we ate our lunch. A few people came over to say hi to him, but Ms. Nancy is in a different lunch period so I didn't have to deal with her. It was so nice to have him there.

When lunch was over he said he had to head over to the choir room. In exchange for the guest pass he promised to play piano for rehearsal. I had to go to European Studies. After that I had choir but Josh had left by the time I got there.

Funny, after seeing him and anticipating seeing him again I was wide awake. Then the adreneline from knowing that I'd be on stage tonight started going. I decided to save the Red Bull for the evening so that I'd have extra energy for the show.

So now I'm just waiting for my mom to pick me up and then I'm going back to the hospital to see Aunt Lu. Then it's back here for the show tonight. Now that I know Aunt Lu will be okay, I can actually enjoy it. I just wish she could be here to see it.

Molly pointed out to me that I can no longer argue that Josh doesn't care about me. When he moved to New York I felt like I meant nothing to him, but after the past two days I know he cares. But that's not enough for me. I don't just want him to care. I want him to want me. I want his heart to long for me the way mine longs for him. So I told Molly that I haven't changed my mind. I am not telling him how I feel.